Where’s My Louie, Barry?
By Ellen Malone
I live in a basement that has wood paneling from the 70’s and I have my old bed from when I was in junior high. My diet consists of Diet Coke, Special K bars, and Lean Cuisines. My parents would love it if I could chip in for my toiletries and food. Toiletries…seriously? Yes, I have a college degree, an MBA in Finance, and almost $100,000 in debt and I live with my parents. WTF?! I thought at this point in my life I would have traveled through Thailand and had at least two Louis Vuitton bags. I made it as far as Taiwan and I have a fake Prada to show for it.
In November of 2008 I was a freshman in college at the University of Arizona and I totally bought into the hope and change of Barack Obama. The good looks, big smile, and oratorical theater captured me and I thought better times were ahead. Little did I know I’d graduate college in debt, have no job prospects, be lured to grad school, go into more debt, and still no job.
So how did this happen? The community organizer I voted for who was supposed to fix the economy, end the war, and generally solve all problems; turned into an aloof actor who would use more drones to kill people than President Bush, run the economy into the ground, and let in thousands of illegals who will eventually take my job. Awesome. It was Oliver Stone, the famous Hollywood director, who said President Obama is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. You know you have it bad when Hollywood starts to turn on you.
“So how is the stock market running wild and why do I still not have a job?” I asked. My dad’s friend, a banker, explained it as Quantitative Easing, or propping up the economy through the nonstop printing of money by the Federal Reserve. “It’s QE3!” he said. More like FML! At this point I started to pay attention and realize that not everything was what it seemed, especially when my gay friend said that he will be voting Republican in the next election.
Everywhere I turned it seemed purposefully chaotic; fake stock market, huge national debt, no jobs, companies leaving America for Europe, unrest in the Middle East, and so on. Could this all be coincidence? A plethora of scandals; IRS, the Associated Press, and the NSA spying on Americans, just to name a few, would barely grace the news, but you couldn’t ignore it.
So how does this end? I’m still applying for jobs with my new MBA and hoping to get a job at McDonalds, corporate that is. Two things I’ve learned in the last six years; one, I make a mean dobio macchiato and two, I’m now officially a conservative. You’re right, I didn’t build that, but I’ve paid my fair share sleeping on a crap bed for the last six years and having to put up with two roommates named Mom and Dad. In 2014 and 2016 I’m voting for the a-hole that won’t watch me skyping with my boyfriend and one who will lower taxes, stimulate the economy, and actually try and create jobs. I can only hope that the next few interviews have me enrolling at the famous Hamburger University. I’m NOT LOVIN’ IT!